Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
