I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
