Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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