can u get pink eye on your cock?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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