I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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