it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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