Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
