I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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