you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
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I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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