i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
