If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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