She announced her abortion via fbk
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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