i'm signing you up for texting rehab
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
