im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
