I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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