oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
