just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
