you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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