my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
