he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
