There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
