please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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