I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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