Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
