How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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