i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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