I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
BRING THE BAGELS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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