Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
