she was so not down for the gang bang
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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