I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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