hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
