Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
