You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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