i think my mom watched the whole time
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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