Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy