Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dating After Heartbreak
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I deserve to be covered in dicks