Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...

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(920): My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma... http://tfl.nu/z5wc

Replies (15) Good night (936) Bad night (5271)
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(540): View more from Virginia

when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking

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(540): when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking http://tfl.nu/ngdb

Replies (14) Good night (4301) Bad night (807)
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(216): View more from Ohio

There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.

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(216): There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself. http://tfl.nu/jj9y

Replies (23) Good night (1172) Bad night (3941)
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(516): View more from New York

and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

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(516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3

Replies (14) Good night (14166) Bad night (984)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.

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(203): There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/0we4

Replies (20) Good night (5028) Bad night (1051)
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(416): View more from Toronto

You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.

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(416): You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams. http://tfl.nu/dmv7

Replies (4) Good night (1915) Bad night (522)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.

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(484): I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight. http://tfl.nu/pgss

Replies (5) Good night (1419) Bad night (664)
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(512): View more from Texas

There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.

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(512): There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls. http://tfl.nu/qrvu

Replies (6) Good night (1428) Bad night (466)
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(312): View more from Illinois

Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.

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(312): Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available. http://tfl.nu/293f

Replies (6) Good night (510) Bad night (988)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa

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(808): Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa http://tfl.nu/xvlh

Replies (6) Good night (791) Bad night (298)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.

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(307): She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse. http://tfl.nu/k440

Replies (9) Good night (1093) Bad night (289)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.

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(570): They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me. http://tfl.nu/dk1c

Replies (5) Good night (435) Bad night (354)
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(971): View more from Oregon

I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.

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(971): I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad. http://tfl.nu/wd71

Replies (3) Good night (601) Bad night (276)
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(801): View more from Utah

I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.

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(801): I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future. http://tfl.nu/z13j

Replies (2) Good night (804) Bad night (210)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie

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(308): got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie http://tfl.nu/pesa

Replies (3) Good night (1328) Bad night (246)

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