Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God

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(313): My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God http://tfl.nu/eo8x

Replies (5) Good night (1096) Bad night (1393)
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(410): View more from Maryland

so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t

Replies (71) Good night (40092) Bad night (1824)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?

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(203): omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it? http://tfl.nu/nfju

Replies (18) Good night (732) Bad night (4037)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.

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(978): I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/sljh

Replies (7) Good night (2943) Bad night (658)
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(515): View more from Iowa

John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

(1-515): View more from Iowa

As in blowjob or cannibalism?

(515): View more from Iowa

I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

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(515): John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance. (1-515): As in blowjob or cannibalism? (515): I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal. http://tfl.nu/r3de

Replies (71) Good night (4163) Bad night (1524)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

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(614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls. (1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions. http://tfl.nu/vjhv

Replies (30) Good night (6018) Bad night (861)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.

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(709): Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob. http://tfl.nu/pavi

Replies (16) Good night (1907) Bad night (4094)
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(440): View more from Ohio

The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.

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(440): The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night. http://tfl.nu/gsoj

Replies (8) Good night (2974) Bad night (982)
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(815): View more from Illinois

It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.

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(815): It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina. http://tfl.nu/o9qo

Replies (8) Good night (3839) Bad night (1089)
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(716): View more from New York

you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.

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(716): you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out. http://tfl.nu/mu2i

Replies (1) Good night (1420) Bad night (654)
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(514): View more from Quebec

We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...

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(514): We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one... http://tfl.nu/kexj

Replies (11) Good night (2874) Bad night (823)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home

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(318): Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home http://tfl.nu/q30x

Replies (1) Good night (1264) Bad night (539)
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(903): View more from Texas

You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right

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(903): You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right http://tfl.nu/ohnr

Replies (3) Good night (1307) Bad night (432)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...

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(403): So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine... http://tfl.nu/hixx

Replies (12) Good night (4014) Bad night (872)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!

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(864): my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year! http://tfl.nu/rim4

Replies (8) Good night (827) Bad night (411)

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