my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.