he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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