I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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