i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
