Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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