i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
