I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
