Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
