why didn't you poke me back
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
