Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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