He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize