Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
