I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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