I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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