He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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