I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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