im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
