I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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