I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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