I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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