when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
