Where did you get a picture of my penis
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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