I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
