The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
