Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
