If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
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Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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