I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
