Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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