Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
