Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
