he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
